Whatever Happens, Hold Onto Hope

In case you missed it on Twitter yesterday, I was feeling pretty gloomy. The complicatedness of certain life situations finally got to me, and I was totally overwhelmed. But, some incredibly good news at the end of the day ended up turning my frown completely upside down. So, I wanted to take this opportunity to share some things I’ve learned from all of this tough stuff craziness:

• Whatever happens, hold onto hope. Even when it feels like all is lost, never allow yourself to give up completely. Even a shred of hope could end up being the empowerment you needed.
• Understand that you’re going to have overwhelming moments. That’s called dealing, and as long as it doesn’t take over your entire life, it’s okay. Allow yourself some of those moments and truly feel your emotions instead of ignoring them.
• Crying is not a sign of weakness! In my opinion, it’s a sign of strength. It’s easy (although very unhealthy) to bottle up your feelings inside and not speak a word of them. The difficult thing is to let them out, to express them fully, to just let yourself cry.  Guys, this goes for you too, no matter what “they” say.
• There is no greater feeling than relief. Embrace it and be grateful.
• Having faith in yourself is so important. It gives you the strength you need to keep on going, even through the worst of it.
• Let others be there for you. Don’t think less of yourself for asking for help. Doing so doesn’t mean you’re an inadequate person. It’s okay if you can’t handle things alone. In fact, it’s normal. Accept the support that loved ones and friends offer you.
• Recognize that there are some things you have no control over, and some times when worrying won’t do anybody any good.

Most importantly, don’t take a single second for granted. 

I hope you realize that life is a precious gift. It is beautiful and fulfilling, frustrating and exciting, but it is also unpredictable.  So, make every moment count, and don’t take anything or anyone for granted. Stop making excuses. Say things like ‘thank you,’ ‘I love you,’ ‘I appreciate your hard work,’ and ‘You mean so much to me.’ Appreciate your life and all of the wonderful, beautiful, people and things that make it all worthwhile.

If I Am Not For Myself, Who Will Be For Me?

“If I am not for myself, who will be for me?

If I am only for myself, what am I?

And, if not now, when?”  

The meaning and interpretation of these questions, posed by Hillel (rabbi and scholar) many years ago, have long been the subject of discussion and debate.  They are questions that force us to look inward and truly consider the way we are living our lives.

“If I am not for myself, who will be for me?” When it comes down to it, we have to take care of ourselves. We can’t fully depend on others, or let others depend fully on us. There comes a time when we need to be selfish. Go to that doctor’s appointment you’ve been putting off. Take a day off from work and do nothing. Call it a “mental health day.” If there’s a movie you really want to see, but all of your friends laugh when you suggest it, go by yourself. (You won’t have to share the popcorn!) If you’ve got too much on your plate, say no. Stand up for what you believe in. Take a hard look at the people in your life. If you’re giving 110% to a friendship and the other person is only giving 30%, cut your losses. It’ll hurt at first, but you’ll be better for it in the end. Look at yourself in the mirror until you can see your own beauty. Buy yourself that special something you’ve been admiring for months. If you need justification,  call it a holiday present to you, from you. It’s great to be a giver, to be generous and take care of others, but you have to accept things from others sometimes too.

“If I am only for myself, what am I?” Be careful with this one, because the answer could easily be “an asshole.”  Let yourself be selfish sometimes, but not all the time. Put yourself first, but be conscious of the feelings of those around you. Find something that brings you joy andbrightens the lives of others, whether it be sending holiday cards to friends and family, or volunteering at a local food bank. It may take time, but find a balance between selfish and selfless. Too much of either will undoubtedly affect your quality of life.

“If not now, when?” Carpe diem, seize the day! The truth is, that we never know what tomorrow will bring. We don’t know how much time we have left on this Earth. So, ask yourself this third question whenever you have doubts about doing something fulfilling.  Don’t wait for a “better time,”  because there may not be one. One of my mantras is “make every moment count,” and it’s all about not taking a single moment of our lives for granted.

This all sounds fine and dandy, but sometimes life gets in the way.  We are faced with crippling challenges and seemingly insurmountable obstacles. But, no matter how crappy our lives might be at any given point, we are still so lucky to be alive. Be there for others, but remember to be there for yourself too. It’s okay to be sad for a little while, as long as you pick yourself up afterwards and keep on going. It all comes back to Hillel’s first question: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me?” Sure, we all have amazing people in our lives who love and care for us, but in the end, if we are not for ourselves, then the chances are that no one else will be either.

How would you answer these questions? Do you think they apply to anyone of any age and background? Are they a good moral compass?